Author: Dianna (artemisdb13@aol.com)
Rating: PG
Summary: Cordelia's thoughts, inspired by the episode "Reprise".
Spoilers: Vaguely a little bit of many things, S1 and S2.
Esp. "Reunion" and "Reprise".
Disclaimer: Angel and BtVS © Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt
and Fox.
Distribution: Priceless. If you want it, sure :D Just tell me
where it is.
Feedback: Yes, definitely. But be gentle, this is my virgin
outing as a fic writer. Suggestions are welcome.
Author's Note: I would just like to tribute "Reprise". I've
never written before. It takes a very powerful episode to get me
to sit down long enough to write even a short piece like this
one. The song lyrics are from Jewel's first album Pieces of You.
It's called Amen.
"Don’t make me move you."
He said that. He said that to me, and I couldn’t think of a single word to reply. I should have had a sharp comeback in a second. If it had been anyone else... but no, not him. It hurt too much.
(Where are my angels?)
I know no one is perfect.. He’s always fighting his dark side. He’s always afraid of it. Afraid of what it might do. But he can’t just win over himself. I know what he was thinking. He fired me... --- us, because he we can’t handle the darkness within him. It’s for our own good.
(Where’s my golden one?)
How could he still think that, after we have been through so much together? The light at the end of the tunnel is still there, and I told him that I would be with him until he gets to it. Doesn’t he remember?
(Where is my hope now that my heroes have gone?)
He abandoned his duty. He won’t play by the rules anymore, because the rules make it that much harder. He once said something about the clarity of evil. Evil allows you the luxury of blood vengeance. Evil allows you to do what you want without the rules, without the morals to weigh you down. What is Angel after? He wants to fulfill his “destiny” prophesied by all the prophecies. He wants to save all the lives. Whether to earn his redemption, or to just make to it end... I don’t know if it matters to him anymore. That scares me. I was his closest friend. And now, he’s so far gone, I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know what he is anymore.
(Some are being beaten.)
I do know that two wrongs don’t make a right. And I do know that he’s tired. I get that. He’s given up on atonement. He’s given up hope. He’s given up trying to fight the darkness inside. But doesn’t he understand? Everyone has evil in them. And Angel is just like everyone else. He’s one of a kind. But he’s not alone. There are people in this world who love him. There’s me.
(Some are being born.)
There’s me and Wesley and Gunn, who would have been right alongside him. Some people are oblivious to magic and monsters and evil around them. Some people will ignore it. Close their eyes and have selective memory. Before Buffy came to Sunnydale, I was one of those people. But I found out first hand that some people will fight. As much as I hate to admit it, Buffy Summers changed my life and not for the worse. Still, even then, I was never part of the evil fighting gang. And I didn’t want to be. I was just “Xander’s girlfriend”. It wasn’t until meeting up with Angel in L.A. that I had a mission. He changed my life. Doyle changed my life. The Powers That Be changed my life. Sure, there’s the headaches and the pain and the danger every day. But for the first time, I have a purpose.
(Some can’t tell the difference anymore.)
Angel has a purpose. He’s a hero. He’s a champion. He’s a good person. He’s a friend. At least, he was. I don’t know if I can forgive him yet. Because right now, he’s lost. The Powers That Be, God, whoever is up there... I still believe. Give him a sign. We need help. I need him. I don’t know if I can even forgive him yet, but I need him. The world needs him.
(Amen.)
The End