Author: Jess (YankeesNAbercrombiechick@hotmail.com)
Rating: PG
Summary: Cordy gets just a little bit jealous...
Spoilers: Up to Dad.
Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. They belong to this guy with the weird name... Joss.
Distribution: Please ask the author.
Feedback: Writing in Cordy POV and in present tense was a real challenge, so please let me
know how I did.
‘Oooh, I’m so glad you could rescue me, you tall dark and handsome hunk of a man you! I’m Carly! Do you like my cleavage? I mean, how can you miss it with the tacky, slutty, two-sizes-too-small dress that I’m wearing? I don’t know your name yet, but can I have your kids? Oooh…’
Hmph. Somebody put me out of my misery. But if this chick puts her hands on Angel one more time, I’m taking her with me.
I’m all for helping the helpless. Really, I am. But some of these helpless people not only need help, but they need a freakin’ clue!
This girl… this Carly… was just attacked by a huge demon and she’s hitting on Angel like five minutes later! What is her problem? Can she not grasp the concept that she almost died and we all had to save her? Oh, forgive me; she definitely knows that Angel saved her. She says it like every two seconds. ‘Oh, thank you so much for saving my life. You’re my hero. How can I ever make it up to you?’ Blah, blah, blah. If she’d ask me how to repay us, I’d give her a three, maybe four digit number. But right now, I’d settle for her just to shut her mouth.
“Oh, gosh. I’m going on and on and I don’t even know your name! You’re my hero and I don’t even know what to call you.”
“Uh, Angel.”
Sheesh, this lady is a real sucker for that big dumb vampire cause her face just lit up at his name. Right. Now that they know each other’s names, they can speed off the Vegas and get hitched.
“That’s such a beautiful name, Angel. It really suits you. You’re my angel after all.”
Blanch.
Could you flirt any more shamelessly? How annoying.
And why the hell is Angel looking at her like that? It can’t be because she’s pretty because, well let’s face it: she’s not. She’s definitely unattractive. Sure she’s blond, but can we say peroxide? And her, with her rosy cheeks and perfectly shaped white teeth and big, pouty lips and almond shaped blue eyes… Oh, yeah. She definitely got smacked with every branch when she fell down the ugly tree… Not attractive at all...
Who am I kidding? She’s like perfect!
Wha-What was that? Did I just hear a groan? Yes! It just happened again. Now who could have done that?
Hmm… It must be either Gunn or Wes. Angel’s too gentlemanly to groan at this woman while all her attention is focused on him. Both Wes and Gunn look totally disgusted.
Err… maybe what they’re really groaning at is the gross demon slime that they’re covered in…
No, wait! Not possible because Gunn just rolled his eyes. They are positively getting all groan-y towards the girl that’s fawning all over Angel.
Whoa, that so did not sound right.
“Let’s go, Cordy.”
Oh, God. The mental pictures! Eww…
“Cordy!”
“What?” I look over at Angel and everyone’s piling into his car. And guess who just practically ran poor, gooey Wesley over on her way to diving into the front seat next to Angel? Two guesses and the first one don’t count.
“We’re leaving.” Angel’s got a hint of impatience in his voice. And that is a hint of impatience that better not be directed at me unless he wants to find out what a mixture of holy water and blood tastes like.
I’ll just raise my eyebrows at him and slowly, very slowly, walk, no saunter, to the car.
“Cordy, hurry up will ya? Me and Wes are in desperate need of a shower.”
Big babies. Waitasecond. There’s no way I’m sitting back there with them while there’s still puss oozing off their clothes. I’m sitting up front and I don’t care what little Miss I’m-gonna-go-home-and-start-my-very-own-Angel-fan-club thinks about that.
Be polite. Be polite. Potential paying customer here. Be polite.
“Excuse me. Ma’am?” That’s pretty damn good. I never even called my own mother a ma’am.
And how unsuccessful was that? This broad is still foaming at the mouth with chatter.
I clear my throat to try to get her to shut up.
Didn’t work.
And polite was just chucked out the window.
“Hey! Damsel in distress girl! Get out of the car!”
Oh yeah, that got her attention. And if she thinks that glare is going to faze me, she’s got another thing coming.
“Excuse me?” Judging from her voice I’d say that she thinks she was just insulted. Damn, she must be really dumb because I thought it was pretty obvious I just insulted her.
“I said get – You know what? Just forget it.”
Sometimes this new sweet and sensitive me really gets on my nerves. I would really like to just put this girl in her place right now and I’ve got the perfect insult to do it. Being a bitch just doesn’t—
DID ANGEL JUST CHECK HER OUT?!
Yes he did! The bastard. And she’s got the nerve to smile back and act all… What was that word my mother used to say?
Cod… Coid… Coy! She’s acting so coy, as if two minutes ago she wasn’t all over him like flies on honey.
Oh, that does it! I’ll just climb over her and nudge myself between these two lovebirds to keep them both in check.
“What the hell…? Ow!”
Oopsy daisies. My bad. I didn’t mean to elbow Carly in the chest. Total accident.
As I settle myself down in between she and Angel I mutter my oh-so-humble apologies. “Oh, sorry. My fault.”
“No kidding.”
Oh, no she did not. “Listen you little tramp – Ugh!”
Did Angel just elbow me in the gut??
“Angel!”
“Cordy?”
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I get your eye messages you stupid vampire, ‘Shut up, Cordy’. Fine.
OK, weird. Usually when I stick my tongue out at Angel he doesn’t try to bite back a smile like that. I usually get an eye roll or he shakes his head.
The car ride back to the hotel…? Officially the most awkward and uncomfortable ten minutes of my life.
Between the stench emitting off Wes and Gunn in the back seat, this new girl, Carly... talk about a dumb name... and Angel’s hand between my legs so he could shift the car’s gears I thought I might scream.
When I walk into the Hyperion Fred’s playing peek-a-boo with Connor. She’s the one that gets stuck with the baby sitting duties while Angel, Gunn, Wes, and me go out and fight whatever big bad is going bump in the night; and in my head thanks to the visions.
You would think that having a baby around would totally cramp our ‘kill all bad things in Cordy’s visions, save the girl, and rid L.A. of evil’ life style… but not really. Not too much, anyway.
“How was Connor tonight, Fred?” Angel asks as he picks up his baby, lighting up his whole face. And for a second I almost forget that his clothes are torn and that he’s got a huge cut on his forehead.
“Aww, that is so sweet!” Jeez, that Carly chick again. She’s still here? Can’t we take her home now? “You’re a single parent?” Off Angel’s reluctant nod she unfortunately continues, “I really respect that. I mean, wow. You save people daily and you still have time to raise a baby. That’s amazing.”
Perhaps she would like Angel to turn around and drop his pants. It would be easier for her to kiss his ass that way.
“Angel, could I please talk to you. Privately?” Carly wants to talk to him privately? This cannot be good. Very, very not good.
He’s taking her back into Wesley’s office without even asking him. Rude much?
I just need to lie down on this really super comfortable couch that we have here in the lobby.
Yeah… the one that Gunn just threw himself on. How about that chair…
That Wes just sat in.
Damn it! Fine. The floor will be just fine.
Could this night be any worse? I mean, let’s just go down the list of things that could go wrong.
Mind shattering, and severe pain inducing vision depicting a brutal death? Check.
Sweaty and totally tiring fight with a demon? Check.
Rescue the girl who turns out to be as grating on your nerves as nails on a chalkboard? Check.
I come back to the hotel and lie on the cold, hard floor? Check.
Seems like a pretty crappy evening to me.
But I’ve got to give the floor props. From here I’ve got a perfect view of Angel and Carly’s conversation.
She asks him a question… He thinks… She says something to him without waiting for an answer, covering her face with her hands… He looks at her and shakes his head, saying something. Then moves her hands to look at her, nods, and talks to her again… She smiles. Is it humanly possible for someone to smile that big? Maybe she’s a demon.
You know what? Just- just- whatever! I’ve just decided that I don’t care. My head hurts too much to be worrying about that girl. She’s not a threat.
But if she was I don’t know what it is she would be threatening.
“Why are you lying on the floor, Cordy?” Angel’s looming over me like a big huge pillar of… I’m too tired to think of something clever right now.
“Only place I could lie down.”
“You could’ve gone to one of the vacant rooms upstairs, or even mine, to lay down.”
“Too far to walk. Besides I’m going home soon. You’ll take me?”
Why did that little… ahem… I mean Carly, look at me like that?
“Of course. But, uh, just wait here for a while. I’m going to take Carly home first.”
Grr…
“Whatever. I’ll be here waiting.”
“Right here? On the floor?”
“Yes!” Oops, didn’t mean for my voice to be quite that loud. But why is it so hard to believe that I can be comfortable laying on the floor?
“Angel? Could I speak with you?”
“Sure, Wes.”
Wes looks from Angel to the blond leech by his side then back to Angel. “Concerning Angel Investigation matters?”
Oh, God. Angel just got a clue. Who’d of thunk it?
“Carly, would you just wait in the car for me? I’ll be right there.”
“Sure.”
And finally she leaves! I never thought I’d be so happy to see a girl’s back end.
And Angel seems to be enjoying the view too. That perverted…
“What were you and Carly discussing in my office?”
… vampire. Inconsiderate…
“Oh, it was nothing. Personal stuff.”
… jerk that just…
“Not when you use my office it isn’t.”
… leaves me lying here on floor…
“She asked me out to dinner.”
… Didn’t even try to help me up…
“A date?”
… He could have at least pulled me off the ground…
“Yes, we’re going on a date tomorrow night.”
… I know I didn’t want to get up, but at least he should have –
WHAT?!